Saw this post and I did giggle at the caption in this cartoon page on my News Feed... Yes, I'm fat too. Been fat shamed, fat bullied so much from young that if you can't beat them, join them... laugh along, even joke about it that people no longer put you down but feel you're a good sport and then they love to hang out with you.
That's the reality in a world where skinny is considered the beauty standard. I used to struggle with this too, as most if not all plus size ladies often have a hidden low esteem within. Added to the rejections and even public humiliation from guys we like, there's a longing to want to be accepted.
And with my ex lover DOST, he made me felt accepted when he said I was beautiful at 120kg in 2017 when we first met online and in person. He said I was the longest gal he has beside his wife when we met for the last time in 2022. He said he won't have other women beside his wife after that.
As usual, I think he lied.
If he really claimed he was depressed when we ended... why will another similar same size lady of my height came asking about him? I was also similar to his wife at the same height and size. But as I have slimmed down a little after my gastric sleeve for him, and with new dialysis tube in my body, he has grown weary of me. But mainly I think he didn't like me not allowing him to meet my other female Indian friend alone and in his words, he has many women so it was to tell me not to interfere with whom he wants to see. Using that as an excuse, he started to ghost me.
He really think he is a Turkish Sultan with a harem huh? I only used to make him feel good as I called him my Sultan and teased him I want to be the favourite concubine for him. Aiyo, he has immersed himself in this role play we do huh?
Anyway, as I look at his latest family photo, his wife is much fatter now... this is her gene as I have seen her mum's photos and even loaned them my extra large wheelchair when the mother in law came to visit them previously. She has reached over 40 and it's normal for middle aged ladies like us to get bigger.
And looking at my group leader's photo side by side with his wife, interesting... they have the similar smiles and chubby cheekbones... which I have too... now I can see that is his type. So this new gal might be the reason why he is posting again... whenever DOST feels happy, he will change his profile photo (that time he changed was when I introduced him to my Indian friend) and now he's posting again... a way he try to prove to his world he's a good husband and father while having a side chick telling her he's married so don't expect him to divorce for her. See how cunning/smart he is.
Well, I think I have done my part to warn my group leader who is an Indian. I know DOST said all women are beautiful and he must be interested to try a different skin type. After all, we are just objects to him to have fun, not individual humans with emotions that need to be cherished. He must be bored with his mundane life and seeking another object to be his NEW MUSE again, as what he used to tell me... I was once his MUSE, the one who inspires him for 5 years... so he's back on the game looking for another again.
Well, I have to tell myself... not too bad... in fact I should feel honored that I have left such an impression in him that he needs to find someone like me? But not all caregivers are alike... I stand out for being one with a lot of positive vibes and a very gentle spirit, the type that will swallowed all pains and not acted out. And yes, I'm also very submissive when comes to sex play, as I did catered to all DOST's fantasies.... including licking his ass and poking him. Which I never did for any guy... except the poking part for my Hubby once when we were younger.
I guess DOST is thinking caregivers like me will be submissive in sex to him too? I do admit caregivers are easier to be pushovers coz we are more empathic, willing to do things for the other partner and for people around us. And many caregivers ended up being plus size too, stuck at home caring for our recipient with no time for personal care like going out to exercise. So now DOST knows where to look for soft hearted ladies like me... so he can used them the way he used me.
Sigh, I really like the more caring not so scheming DOST when he first came to SG. Somehow the expat life here have corrupted him as it's so easier for him to get many different gals in my tiny country with easy access and no extended family to keep an eye on him.
But SG is just so small... anyway, I didn't say bad things about him to my group leader. I did say he was a nice person but he was also a player who will just ghost you once he decided not to see you again. Not even a friend after what I went through with him. I hope that enough hints for her, but the choice is still hers. He clearly played on the low self esteem of plus size ladies like us, knowing we will try our best to please our men coz we are so disadvantaged in finding love. Even the bread crumbs he throw to us seems like loaf of attention that we can't find. And DOST expertly used that to his advantage. What to do, Scorpio like him are good at mind games.
Anyway, I'm slowly losing weight mainly for health reasons... it is hovering at 87kg now... if my weight goes down, my heart function might improved and then I might get back on the kidney transplant list! That is my focus now.
Yes, I am still fat as compared to normal Asian gals. But I think I'm still okay with my chubby happy feet penguin character. I choose to see that I stand out in the crowd coz of my plus size and playful nature. And I do make a good meaty lump of curves to cuddle in bed. Can keep warm in the air con room too. Haha!