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The Incomplete Romantic
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The Incomplete Romantic Romance is a tricky subject for men because most of us pretend all we are looking for is raunchy sex. Nothing wrong with that, I'm all for it, but much as I enjoy fun I would trade it in a moment for what I've had in the past --- for that real emotional tie, even if it is only a long term FWB situation. Casual sex and adventure are fine, they are practically male nature, but they aren't anywhere near as mind boggling as committment sex with someone you have learned and who has learned you. How any man could tire of the right woman has always been a mystery to me. The right partner is an endless gift in and out of the bedroom. Even if once in a while you'd happily wring each others necks. Being with the right person isn't about never being in conflict, it's about conflict always taking a back seat to what you feel for each other. Monogamy isn't that hard with the right woman. With the right woman you may be too tired for anything but monagamy if you are lucky. It may be too late too find that again for me, truthfully I don't expect it. Not that I'm not on the lookout. I may have used up my quota --- I was very lucky, and not really sure why, it certainly wasn't looks. I think I know what it is, but of course I can never be sure. I think it is as simple as women have always felt safe enough to relax around me and be the person they really are and not who they show the world. I think it is that easy. You could call this a mission statement of sorts. I'm not saying I would turn down adventurous or kinky sex, but with the right woman I only need what she is comfortable with, what she wants. I've never pressured a woman about anything sexual in my life. What fun is it going to be with a reluctant partner who feels forced into something she isn't sure about? Women don't want just one thing anymore than men do, and I don't pretend to know what they do want. but I do know what has worked for me, what I always tell my partner: You can do anything I'm big enough for you to get away with, and you are freer in my arms than you will ever be outside of them. Corny, but if you are sincere it seems to work. At least it worked with women of my generation so I'll stick with it. It's one hell of an aphrodesiac for a woman to know you are there for her on her side no matter what happens, whether she's right or wrong (are women ever wrong?), and no matter who or what she comes first. The women in my life have been remarkable, but it didn't hurt that I would have treated them as remarkable anyway and they knew it. Knowing there is a wall behind them they can lean on if they feel the need has proven to be a remakably erotic trait. Seeing themselves through my eyes has helped them be who they wanted to be and always were. They would have and could do it on their own, but they shouldn't have to. I define my life by the women that have been in it, and I've never really been happy unless I was in love. illustration John LaGatta public image  Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.  |
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I often joke and say that if men only realized how far a little *genuine* compassion and thoughtfulness goes to get sex, the world in general would be a kinder place.  On a serious note, if the women felt comfortable with you enough to be whom they are no wonder the sex and the relationship were amazing. But please don't attribute that to luck. I don't know you at all but from your posts you seem to be comfortable in your own skin and like attracts like, right? Confidence -- not cockiness -- is a wonderful quality in a man and if it is mixed with compassion, a sense of basic morals and someone who can laugh at himself, that is a winning combination. You seem to have these in abundance. My theory has long been that as a society we don't value the traits men pick up past the age of 12 so naturally a lot of guys never get past the age when they want a woman but don't know what to do with one and still half suspect they have cooties. A few of us at least get to 16. The women were amazing, all I had to do was try to live up to them. And by luck I only mean I just happened to grow up around very attractive smart women so unlike a lot of guys I wasn't afraid of them when I met them and I didn't behave like a jerk around them. Knowing that beautiful women wanted the same things every woman wanted, and wanted to hear more than just how good they looked gave me an advantage. That and I learned early if you could be romantic without being self conscious it was a real turn on to the right women. Compassion and insight were bred in the bone so to speak. Most women seem to want quiet strength and not macho jerks no matter how many of the other type they go through first. And, while I am a truly nice guy, there's also self assurance just short if arrogance, self confidence, knowing what you want, and a slight edge under it all that women have told me saves me from being just a nice guy. Just enough of a bad boy to be interesting. Many women seem to respond physically to that sense that however gentle kind and loving there is a wolf under the sheepskin. They appreciate the virtues, but seem to fall in love with the side that bites. Of course none of that may really have anything to do with it. That is just how it has usually seemed. But there is a secret. Treat women the way they want to be treated, and they will all be amazing for you. It's isn't that hard, maybe because no one expects any of that of us as boys most of us don't get to learn it in time. Again, I was lucky. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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I agree with you. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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I often joke and say that if men only realized how far a little *genuine* compassion and thoughtfulness goes to get sex, the world in general would be a kinder place. On a serious note, if the women felt comfortable with you enough to be whom they are no wonder the sex and the relationship were amazing. But please don't attribute that to luck. I don't know you at all but from your posts you seem to be comfortable in your own skin and like attracts like, right? Confidence -- not cockiness -- is a wonderful quality in a man and if it is mixed with compassion, a sense of basic morals and someone who can laugh at himself, that is a winning combination. You seem to have these in abundance. Check out my blog -- A Godiva World
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