Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I got my vagina yesterday
|
I got my vagina yesterday Alright , you don't seem to be getting what's going on here - I actually picked up a couple more watchers instead of losing any . You nerds must really be into a Game of Thrones . I'm going to level with you , its not so much that I've run out of interesting things to say (because I never had anything interesting to say EL OH E  its more about my gold membership running out soon . Obviously I'm not going to hang around here as a filthy standard member . But I can't abandon my blog while people are still watching it . So a couple of you have to drop off each day - we need to hit 0 watchers by 4/7/12 . I know together we can do it . I'm going to do my part by now posting a deal where I refer to a bunch of my old blogs - which will annoy you . As I mentioned in my post "It takes a special kind of man to write a product review of a blow-up doll"I found out that an important part of the blow-up doll is the fake vagina , which makes a lot more sense than what I though it was . Anyway as I've mentioned in many posts , most famously "And that is where babies come from" I'm not a very good masturbater . So I thought I've give one of these fake vaginas a try . I ordered it a while back and it came yesterday . I was sitting out on my front porch reading - here's a quick reenactment . Mailman - Howdy 40 , here's a package for you , feels like some kind of fake vagina . 40Deuce - Could be , I ordered one a while back . Mailman - Well , you enjoy . 40Deuce - Will do . I bet YOU never even talk to your letter carrier . In the package was the thing itself ;  And my god damn free gift - a mother loving vibrator ! As I mentioned in my post "Please stop sending me dildos and clit massagers " this drives me absolutely crazy . Why do I get a free lady sex toy every time I order something ? Why ? I'm a man ! Not much of one , but still a man . But , on the plus side it also came with a little bottle of lube - which is good because I hadn't though of that . I assume trying to sex a fake vagina without lube is a bad time . Plus now I have some lube on hand in case I have a lady over . ROFLMA Have I ever mentioned how much I hate initialisms ? Because I do . A lot . So I throw the dildo in the sewer for the lady CHUDs (note to self , new business idea - dating site for CHUDs) and break out my new fake vagina . Looks kind of neat , smells kind of bad . Insert your own joke here . So I decide to give this bad boy a whirl . I thought I still had some porn around somewhere but I didn't find any and when I was looking I did find some old short stories I had written and stopped to read them for a few hours and marvel at how stupid I used to be . Granted I'm stupid now , but back then man oh man . As I've mentioned in any number of posts , most famously "Cling to your pathetic fable of sexual intercourse" I don't like the internet porn because its mean . So there I was with my fake vagina all ready to go and no porn . What's a fellow to do ? Thankfully we have the greatest power in the world - the power of imagination . That didn't work either though because my imagination is weak and silly . So I fished a maidenform ad out of the trash and went to town . Bonus question - what's the most shameful thing you've ever masturbated to/with ? I popped a cap in that fake vagina's ass and then after spraying it off with the hose in the backyard I paused to reflect on the experience . Its definitely better that using the old hand . But that's kind of like saying its better to die from 3 gunshots to the chest rather than 5 . So it still sucks , but its better than nothing . I guess I'll keep it around . I need to get my money's worth out of it in any case . But where do you keep your fake vagina ? I have mine next to my toothbrush because they're both things I want to keep clean . Fun fact , one mythbusters one time they tested the myth that keeping your toothbrush outside of the bathroom would result in less feces on your toothbrush . That is false and you know what else ? Your toothbrush already has tons of feces on it when you buy it . Consider that when you're making the decision to watch this blog or not . You know that because of me . So , in conclusion 1. Fake vagina is just okay 2. I left the house today with only 1 shirt on for the first time since I became a fat man 3. Your toothbrush is lousy with feces Thanks for reading ! Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
No , no , no , no - this is a fleshlight [image] I got a fake vagina that you can't pretend is a flashlight like a real man Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
| |||
|
<< not leaving either. You should be warned, past blogger FrankPicasso posted lots of blogs about his fake vagina (his was an entire lower half of a torso - vaguely creepy) and he never seemed to lose watchers because of it. We're a sick crowd here on Ay FF. Re, your fat man/single shirt experience. I was on a hike this morning and just got so damn hot that I had to peel off my long sleeved shirt to reveal the tight fitting tank top and belly roll underneath. The other hikers picked up the pace, presumably to leave me behind so they wouldn't have to look at me....   
| |||
|
MERFF MEEFFFFFFF FREEEMM KAAAABOO! STING MAOEN IN PINGY LENN!! (These words brought to you by the letters FML and a BD request by Fever)
| |||
|
On the show Family Guy, Joe is in a porn shop and he remarks that all the love dolls have startled expressions. I personally have never bought a fake vagina. That isn't to say that I haven't tried to make one before. Dear, we need more Jello, I used it all. Uh, more corn syrup too, I was making ... caramels...soft caramels. If you want to be really creepy you can eat your lover after sex. Call it revenge for the male black widow spiders and the male praying mantis. Wild Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
| |||
|
Sorry but it will take more than that to make me leave. You better watch out if you threaten to stop blogging because there are some crazy lunatics here that will hunt you down, chain you to your laptop and force you to entertain us with your witty words. Consider yourself warned! ***
| |||
|
My attention span is to low to read the whole blog...sorry! But i like your new friend...I have tons of lube if you need it? For that toy I would recommend AOFL...what? I creatively come up with uncreative things - What the blog was I thinking? CLICK HERE to join the sexy Half Naked Wednesday group (HNW group)...Caution: They get a bit creative!
|
Become a member to create a blog
